The office where I work, like most modern offices, has a posh coffee machine with several options. Is this wealth of choice really actually worth it? Let’s try all of the options and see.

  • Café Crème: Not a great start. You’d be forgiven for thinking that this is coffee with cream as I did. Imagine my disappointment to find it was just a cup of black, quite bitter, Americano style coffee which tastes no better than instant. Milk might help, but for the purposes of this taste test the only addition I’m making is my usual two sugars.
  • Americano: This actually does what it says on the tin. Unfortunately it tastes like warm dirty water. We’ll not be having it again.
  • Espresso: No, it’s not expresso and in this case it’s barely espresso. I won’t be sleeping much tonight.
  • Café au Lait: From the French for Coffee with Milk, one would expect it to be simple coffee with a dash of cow juice. In reality it seem more like a latte, with a dash of Americano style coffee topped up with heated milk. This seems to be the best, so far.
  • Hot Water: You are kidding? No, I won’t drink a cup of hot water with two sugars in it.

So, apart from only keeping me up for the next week I’ve discovered that machine made coffee is pretty much all the same. I just want a pot of filter coffee – is that asking too much?

5 thoughts on “Kahfee”

  1. The machine in my building has a button for hot chocolate and a separate button for chocomilk. What is chocomilk? It’s hot chocolate. No, I don’t know why either.

    Also the orange and lime squashes they serve are clearly the jelly cubes you ate whole as a child, just in liquid form and with more sugar and artificial colours.

    Just take an earl grey bag tea bag into work and use the hot water option. If you don’t have any, Mam will be happy to provide them.

      1. Yes dear.

        Worked out the chocolate/chocomilk thing. After ordering both and watching the dispensing spout carefully I can now reveal that chocolate is hot chocolate powder plus hot water and chocomilk us chocolate powder plus hot milk.

        Should have guessed really.

  2. Everything from a hot drinks machine is just pure rank. The only time any of it will taste good is if you start work at stupid o clock and use it just to feel at home, or at least to feel as if you’re in bed on a weekend and your other half is treating you.

  3. i was going to suggest a flask and then thought for a second and remembered that horrible plastic taste that stays with you for at least an hour after finishing the drink

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